DUM DUM DUM - PART 1

This blog is going to be slightly lengthy than the usual having two parts just like the depth of it's context. 

Everybody will reach that stage in their lives to get tied up to a partner with a mutual contract that is said to be for an eternity and holds different kinds of orientations and reasons. Therefore, this concept of marriage possess varied definitions by sociologists, psychologists and others. It is considered to be the legal engagement to set about and lead a family. Few people apart from defining this concept also additionally delineate average age to get married and this also differs with each individual. There are even incidences where the concept of marriage is getting redefined. 

Ever wondered why the trends in marriage contradicts with each generation? I've read somewhere that according to a study from Pew Pew research on millenials and the Silent Generation, it was found that millenials prefer to not get married as their grandparents did. The rates of child marriage have reduced and with the growth and development observed in each generations are observed the difference in the view of marriage and the age to get married. They also stop off over factors like financial stability, biological reasons, understanding, age difference and so many others to prefer to get married and also to not get married.  

And nobody ever knew how this concept of marriage feels or works like unless asked about it to those who are yet to get married / married. So I have attempted to ask about this concept to the married woman and those who are to get hitched soon. 

The questions that I asked to the "MARRIED ONES" are given as follows:

1. What do you think is the biggest drawback of getting/ being married? 

2. What age category do you think / feel is too early to get married or too late to get married? Mention why do you think so also.

3. What will be your advice to those getting married and are there any myths involved in it?

THE MARRIED ONES:

a.  Sharanya Anguraj

1. You become/expected to become a singular unit i.e. two individuals must somehow become one conjoined unit. You have to constantly include the other in your plans from things as simple as eating, going out etc.

2. 25-30 is a good age for marriage. You need to become financially independent and have some clarity about yourself before you can enter into a relationship. You must be a well-rounded, happy individual before you seek a partner. Otherwise, you have too little life experiences that skew your expectations, and also overdependence on your partner. Above 30, I feel is too late because of biological  factors (better to have a kid earlier than later), and also that by 30 with a considerable life experience, most people's mindset changes and they are fixed in their personality and lifestyle. Making sacrifices and adjustments for a partner becomes harder as you grow older 

3. Advice is to prioritize yourself i.e. adjustments must be made, but agree to those adjustments only if you are wholehearted and happy about it. If not, it will stay with you and stress the marriage in the long run. The biggest myth is that you can change a person after marriage. Never ever marry someone with the expectation that they will change anything.

b. Vidhya Santh:

According to me, marriage is an agreement for you two to share your life that you make to the government. But it all depends upon what kind of people house you enter. So my advice will be to know about boy’s relations, cousins, mother in law before entering their home. Lover boy will change into responsible boy, so before understanding a guy completely don’t fall into pregnancy trap. According to me marry when you are done with your career and your life is manageable with you, marry when you think you are ready and can manage okay otherwise new environment, new habits, as new person you have to adjust to their surroundings. Married early/ late doesn’t matter. Marry for yourself not for others saying. Nothing is drawback in marriage unless you choose a good partner along with their relatives. Better to marry before 30 yrs so that you can enjoy your life before entering into parenthood. After 30 complications in pregnancy will be more. Health wise as egg released by our ovary keeps on reducing as we grow old and many women tend to attain menopause around 38 years in our present life style.

 c. Prithivi Vinod:

1. Getting married is itself a drawback

2. 21 to 23 is the right age because that is when we are completely unclear to get adapted with our husband or our in-laws expectations without questioning back.

3. Be clear about your future plans and hope your partner won't smash that. Before marriage let them know about your likes and dislikes very well.

d. Shalini R

1.Sharing multiple roles as Son/Daughter, Husband/Wife, Son-in-law/Daughter-in-law, Father/Mother, Worker and member of society, we will have lot's of responsibilities that are  subject to others expectations and rules (each and everything we plan or do will be linked with someone or something else).So we can't make any decisions on our own not even for our own sake. (Actually this will be the case even before marriage too - we do have some barriers which stop us doing things.But our responsibilities will be less and whatever we do goes under childhood category,so it won't be that hard to manage)

2. 20 and Below - We won't be that matured enough to take up a family to run(handling things financially,Emotionally),Level of patience and understanding will be less. For women physically they won't  be strong giving birth to a baby  

Above 27 - People won't enjoy their young adulthood with their partners,they will be more conscious of giving birth to a baby and future (Savings plan).

3.Don't just get married to a person by their outlook or wealth.Character matters a lot to lead a happiest peaceful life.When u and ur partner have mutual understandings then no one can break ur bond.Be supportive & spread love "Iru udal oru uyir" 💘

e. Janani 

1. Oops! Big question. Not able to do the thing ALONE. You've to ask permission to everyone damnn. 

2. I actually do feel you can get married whenever you want. But medically speaking it's better to get married at the age 23-25. 

3. I hate advices but one advice that no one says is "Whatever you do, your MIL's first preference will be her son" ; "People will force/ask you guys to make babies soon like a maggie, but honestly speaking most of the people won't come after your pregnancy." ; "Health both mental and physical health is priority" ; "Husband speaks nonsense all the time, you've to adjust LOL"

To be continued...