DUM DUM DUM - PART II

 

Okay in the previous blog we came across different views or opinions on marriage in words by the married ones. In this blog, I’ve addressed those unmarried ones by asking them simply 3 questions that are as follows:

1.    What is your view on marriage and those who are married?

2.    When (at what age and stage) do you think is the right time to get married?

3.    Is it necessary to get married and what are the factors that you consider/ rely upon to get married i.e. on what basis do you wish to choose your partner, even in arranged marriage you do have options and preferences for a groom, right ?

As usual, I’ve got a good number of fair and genuine responses from my lovely pals. Let’s see how they responded.

 

a.     Samiritha Srinivasan:

“Nice topic” – How sweet of her to start off her response with this appreciation. Thank you sweets.

1.    Marriage is an institution wherein we relate with our partner in a deeper level, connecting in an emotional, physical, intellectual, social and importantly in a spiritual level. People who are married stay happy and satisfied when most of the above mentioned levels are met, unhappiness might arise when they are not met.

2.    Whenever the person is ready and really wishes to engage in a higher level commitment with another person.

3.    To me personally I would definitely get married as I seek connection and intimacy. For some people affection, love, intimacy and constant support are needed throughout their life in order to adjust and grow. Accepting a random person and settling in a marriage won't serve the purpose. Get married only if you find the person for you and only if you both are ready for all the commitments of marriage. I have a huge list/preferences: should respect everyone, honesty, politeness, trust, one who is ready to invest and commit to the family, humbleness and the list goes on and on and have few preferences in the outer look too: Tall guy, well dressed (fashion sense oda) romba venum nu ila, well-mannered and good looking (being comfortable and confident in his looks because inferiority is the root cause for so many problems).

 

b.    Akshaya Sukumar:

 

1. I think marriage is one of those very personal choices, it's a very uncertain happening. I have seen people who are married and people who are happily married, I guess the latter works for me.

 

2. There is no "right stage or age" to get married. It all depends upon the individual's preference. When they are ready, they are ready.

3. In my opinion, if you really want to spend your life with someone it’s better to get married to that person. I'm not saying this because of any societal stereotype of 1000 years crop thing but I think marriage gives a little more sense of belonging with our partner and their family (I would prefer my partner's family be involved in my life).

 

c.     Janet Deepika:

 

1.    Marriage is a social institution. You need to be really matured to get into a relationship like marriage. You need to be strong in your mind and heart.

2.    When you are financially stable. You don’t have to be Ambani but since you must not be dependent on your partner for every small thing, it is inevitable to get financially efficient before marrying someone.

3.    Yes, I think marriage is necessary and it depends on every individual to get married or just to be a spinster / bachelor. I would say the right time to get married for a boy I would suggest it to be 29 - 30, for a girl it should be 26-28. Also my partner definitely has to be loyal, has to be a sportsperson who loves cricket, animated movies, open minded, who treats mine and his parents equally, and should be a hard worker and also a god fearing person and he must be the one who loves travelling.

 

d.    Priya Krishnamurthy:

 

1) Marriage is love (love for the family members) and responsibility. And those people who are married will have more commitments and responsibilities when compared to the unmarried ones.

 

2) I would say 24-28 will be the good age limits and stage to get married for biological reasons, but of course at the same time the level of maturity to handle the married life also matters.

 

3) Well whether to note that marriage is necessary or not, it actually depends on the person, for me, if I meet the right person I might consider marrying him. On what basis I would choose my partner? Uhm..It will be based on the character of the person and of course it takes time to understand the person too, again which is hard because people are influenced by movies and series and have a wrong perception of love and marriage.

 

e.     Ahana Neelakantan:

 

1. In my view marriage is a lifetime friendship. A friendship that unites two souls and two families making the relationship a beautiful journey. Every single married couple are different in their way and face different ups and downs. And that's what relationship is all about right? It's unique in its own way. Absolutely beautiful.

 

2. There isn't a right time to get married. It's about the feeling and moments that let you take the step. I might want to get married when I turn 24. My friend may get the feel when she turns 27.

 

3.When the age to get married is a choice now, so is the choice of getting married in the first place. Let's be honest, times are changing and people have different perspectives. Yes, I will get married. Respect, honesty and friendship is what I am looking for in a marriage. And, I do have preferences. I believe in sticking to reality and not set specific expectations.

These are all the responses that I got from those who are unmarried. Pretty quirky and idiosyncratic right?

Each individual expressed their own sets of expectations, likes and dislikes and this made us realize that everyone are unique in their own way and no two individuals are the same, despite this why are there so many societal judgements and stereotypical comments passed on over the choices of a woman on marriage in our society? Why do parents pester their daughters to get married to someone to whom they were not even able to express their expectations as they did in this blog? Why? Because, they were never asked  or entreated or consulted or considered to be right up someone's street and ask for what they want. Why blame just patriarchy when a woman prefers not to revolt by demanding a change and also does the same by passing this attitude to another woman (in this case, a daughter)?

So is marriage a choice, or a cultural aspect, an honour, an institution, a jail, an escape, a tag, an identity, a burden, heaven or what?

All that I’ve learnt about marriage is simply one thing and that is –

“A good cook can make any kind of dish with his own ingredients and he who knows about its certainty will be a great chef”.