STOPGAP IMPAIRMENT: A SHORT PERSONAL NOTE OF MY EARLY ADULTHOOD

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This is a 2-4 minute read about an adult's life who gets stuck in the middle of nowhere and somehow plots back a path. 

It feels like it's been long long ago so long ago because it is when since I wrote my last blog. Writing blogs for me have been my dearest and treasured pastime like how bakers bake cakes and it has also been a passion for me to write aright since my childhood. I wasn't much of a reader back then but started reading when I was an undergraduate and began to attempt to writing although I did not feel satisfied enough to post it anywhere or share it with my friends. My Professor and my beloved pal put the screws on me to write blogs, thanks to them. Alright, let's get back on the track. 

I've been juggling with so many things at the same time and I never did feel the push in myself to write a blog. I've got very much raw and delicate indeed lately and also developed anxiety over every little decisions that I took in my life - maybe I am intuiting that this is the run-on-the-mill phase among adults. In fact, even now while I'm writing, I'm also supervising if my maid is cleaning my room properly or not. The impulse to align everything perfectly that are going on in my life is sort of pressing although the burning desire to do something meaningful in life never ceases and the goal list gets added up every now and then. 

Also I must admit that I've been scrolling through the social media feeds and killed myself with boredom sensing it will ease out my boredom. But I was incorrect. They used to say that "Too much of anything is good for nothing". Here, I would like to connect it with social media because all that I procured from being active in social media was my intolerable anxiety and unproductiveness. I could not commit to anything due to this and neglected to affirm with the plans made for me during this lockdown time. It led me to the den of OVERTHINKING which further opened on to fall in the pit of depression. Is it normal to say that most of the values and beliefs in life are framed after 20 or is it formed ever before 20 or is it just for me? Yes, I did make some serious life affirmations and resolutions and wondered that what made others around me to have reached that stage ahead of me! Too much of motivational contents dismantled the confidence in me and built up a dome of self doubts and low self-esteem (Too much of negativity piled up) along with a toxic self (This might not be the case in your life, good for you)  

I mistreated myself by not standing up for me in lieu I joined the haters group and mouthed negative comments about myself and kept expecting if someone will come for rescue but the deeper I delved into myself did I discover the fact that “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”. Little did I know that I’m capable of pulling myself from the pit and bracing courageously to finish off the succumbing self of me. Self-realization guided me to self-acceptance and plunged to bring on the lost productivity. 

Cognitive dissonance is quite common and you have to take efforts in order to overcome it. All I would like to tell you is, Start little by little. Accept that small steps are to be initially undertaken and it will eventually evolve as a habit.  Life sometimes is a trial and error place, but not every time shall you experiment with it. Know when you're to act in a certain way. Seriousness is important and most of us struggle by not knowing when should we be having it.  


EPILOGUE: PERFECTION IS LEAST IMPORTANT THAN EXCELLENCY. 

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